Maral & Mariano
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Our Philosophy
    • Maral Kojayan
    • Mariano Laplume
    • Tango Level Guide
    • Our Quality Promise
  • ONLINE
    • Cantores + One Tango Series
    • Followers Technique Workshops
    • Tango Music Series >
      • Big Four of Tango
      • Free Introductory Masterclass
      • Level 1 "Fundamentals"
      • Level 2 "Big Four"
      • Carlos Disarli
      • Juan D'Arienzo
      • Osvaldo Pugliese
      • Anibal Troilo
      • Miguel Calo
      • Ricardo Tanturi
      • Angel D'Agostino
      • Lucio Demare
      • Rodolfo Biagi
      • Alfredo De Angelis
      • Pedro Laurenz
      • Varela/Salamanca
      • Francini-Pontier
      • Gobbi
      • Fundamentals I: Rhythmic Base
      • Fundamentals II: Expressive Elements
  • LONDON
    • Musicality Intensive
    • Leading for Followers
    • TANGO GARDEN
    • ZAMBA London
    • TANGO CLASSES >
      • Beginners
      • Improver
      • Intermediate
      • Offers
  • Amersfoort, NL
  • ROTTERDAM/NL
  • PRIVATE LESSONS
    • LONDON PRIVATE LESSONS >
      • Private Lesson Offer
      • Wedding First Dance
    • ROTTERDAM PRIVATE LESSONS
  • ALEXANDER TECHNIQUE
  • MEDIA
  • Testimonials
    • In the Media
    • Review Us
  • Contact
    • Subscribe
  • Blogs
    • EDUCATIONAL BLOG
    • NEWS & INFO BLOG
  • Tango Quest
  • FAQs
  • Privacy Policy

The Cabeceo

3/9/2014

9 Comments

 
Picture
I'm updating our FAQs and here is our perspective on the cabeceo.  There'll be more info about the cabeceo at Tango Garden posted soon.

What is the cabeceo?

The cabeceo (meaning head nod/gesture) is an artform rather than a behaviour protocol.  Just as a conversation has certain conventions but is quite subjective; requiring contextual understanding, sensitivity to the situation, the other person and a willingness to engage, so too the cabeceo is a non-verbal conversation.  We get better and more natural at it over time and with practice as long as we have an interest in developing it. 

Like a conversation (and much to most people's misunderstanding), the cabeceo is not one sided, i.e. instigated always by the leader or by the follower.  It's much more fluid and starts with ordinary eye contact.  As we know from our non-tango life, holding a gaze implies interest, so it is with the cabeceo.  Once interest is established, in most cases the male leader (because Tango was situated in a machismo culture and habits continue) 'asks' the lady if she wants to dance by a small head movement or raising of an eyebrow and she either ignores his gesture or nods or smiles to accept.  Of course, when people know each other already, or even sometimes when they don't, the cabeceo can be much more playful and the so called 'format' can change.  For example, once eye contact is established, the follower may smile cheekily or innocently or sultrily, or just move her eyes or an eyebrow which sets the tone for the interaction and is her way of 'asking' the leader to dance.  He might respond by a similar gesture as if to say, 'are you asking me to ask you to dance?' and she may respond with another little gesture as if to say 'maybe, why don't you try and see' or 'yes' or 'of course, I'd love to'... and each gesture would of course look very different and no one person is in charge of the asking.

So you see, the 'rules' for the cabeceo are as fixed as the rules for flirting, flirting without words.  If you're in a pub late at night you might behave one way, if in a posh formal looking bar, you might behave another, if you're at a friend's child's christening it might be quite different to flirting with someone at a singles night and if you're a woman who feels strongly about taking charge of her night as opposed to being wooed you'd behave differently again...  The whole thing is so personal and contextual, the only thing certain about the cabeceo is that it's a reference to asking without words with subtle facial expressions and head gestures.  How you use it, and how successful you are at it, therein lies the artform. 
9 Comments
Tony Walker
3/9/2014 02:58:15 am

I like your light approach to this, making it less of an absolute rule that must be followed. It has its flaws, of course, e.g. if someone is short-sighted or thinks he/she is on the receiving end when it is the person sitting behind them. Also presumably actual asking isn't ruled out? Tony

Reply
Maral link
3/9/2014 03:07:18 am

Hi Tony, yes absolutely! The text above isn't about what people 'should' do i.e. Cabeceo, ask, tap someone on the sholder etc, It's the answer to the question "What is the Cabeceo?" because we get beginners asking sometimes or other people who feel they don't know 'the rules'. There are other question in our FAQ's including "Do I have to use the Cabeceo in Tango Garden" and
"I'm a follower, can I ask leaders to dance at Tango Garden?" I haven't published them yet, so you won't see the answers just yet but the page will be up shortly.

Reply
Christopher
3/9/2014 03:35:26 am

Comment deleted

Reply
Steph
3/9/2014 04:18:34 am

Ooh someone's been having a lot of fun with you I can tell!!

Reply
Maral
3/9/2014 04:31:39 am

Hi Steph, yeah :) not with me but with a lady at Tango Garden, I really felt for her and it moved me to add some notes for future ladies in distress about what's "acceptable", what's not etc.

Christopher
3/9/2014 05:23:39 am

It's been pointed out to me that out of context my original comment may have sounded flippant. I apologise.

My point was that there are people who recommend shaking your head to say "no" as part of the cabeceo and this certainly happens in London. Likewise there are people are not subtle in hiding there feelings about dancing with that person while shaking their head - and having spoken to some of them, they felt perfectly justified in their position. And there are people who will nod and when the person comes over they will then explain at length why they don't want to dance with them.

These happen regularly in London. As far as I can tell, your article doesn't address them. A reasonable intepretation of the parallel with a pub would be that shaking you head is fine. Certainly verbally telling someone you're not interested would be fine in that context.

And you may well feel that way too.

So my question is, what is your take on the above behaviour?

Reply
Christopher
3/9/2014 05:24:04 am

It's been pointed out to me that out of context my original comment may have sounded flippant. I apologise.

My point was that there are people who recommend shaking your head to say "no" as part of the cabeceo and this certainly happens in London. Likewise there are people are not subtle in hiding there feelings about dancing with that person while shaking their head - and having spoken to some of them, they felt perfectly justified in their position. And there are people who will nod and when the person comes over they will then explain at length why they don't want to dance with them.

These happen regularly in London. As far as I can tell, your article doesn't address them. A reasonable intepretation of the parallel with a pub would be that shaking you head is fine. Certainly verbally telling someone you're not interested would be fine in that context.

And you may well feel that way too.

So my question is, what is your take on the above behaviour?

Reply
Maral
3/9/2014 09:03:02 am

Hi Christopher,
Thanks for your message and clarifying your comments.

Of course you're right, there is a lot I haven't covered in this note because this wasn't intended as an article but rather as straight forward a response to the question "What is the cabeceo?" for our website FAQs page. If you look at the page, you'll find a bit more information related to the topic of the cabeceo and our perspective on asking people verbally at least in Tango Garden (which is the context in which all these questions have arisen, as we run Tango Garden).

To answer your specific points about shaking the head, saying no verbally etc. I don't see anything particularly wrong with shaking ones head to refuse a dance it's a little less subtle but sometimes people don't realise their invitation is not being taken up and keep trying unless they get a clear response like the shaking of a head It really depends on what's going on, I always consider what the kindest thing to do would be without upsetting myself in the process. Also, we can put some responses down to personality i.e some people like being more straight forward, it doesn't mean they're being mean, they just don't like to leave room for ambiguity or misunderstanding, Some may enven feel ruder ignoring a cabeceo and find it kinder to actually show "no" by shaking the head. Speaking for myself, I don't like saying no when I'm out dancing socially, so I prefer not to make cabeceo style eye contact in the first place but if I do get cabeceoed, I'll probably do a very small short shake of the head with a smile so that it's the kindest gesture I can show, because my personal intention is never to offend or hurt someone's feeling. Some may care less about hurting other's feelings and I don't think it's my place as an organiser to police people's degree of sensitivity or kindness, although we do stress a community spirit in Tango Garden and hope that people are careful to take care of each other's feelings.

As for the nod followed by a verbal explanation as to why not. I assume at best that person feels they'd like to explain themselves so they nod to acknowledge the invitation rather than cut the person off. At worst, it's a mean thing to do, it really depends on the case and without seeing or being involved and understanding the intention behind the behaviour it wouldn't be fair to condemn the behaviour, although to me personally, it seems a slightly confusing way to go about things. Again, speaking personally I probably wouldn't ever do this, though I may explain to someone on another occasion, why it was I was unable to dance with them the last time they asked (i.e. I was ready to leave, needed a rest, was waiting to dance with someone I'd already promised a dance to etc.) and I'd only do this explanation if it's leading to a positive, i.e to show my willingness to dance with them in the future.

Finally, about verbally telling someone "no" there is a long answer for this on the FAQ page, the very short answer is, if the person has asked me verbally, I will respond verbally be it yes or no. If I've been asked non-verbally from a distance, I'll respond non-verbally and not discuss it further unless I want to tell them I'd like to have danced but couldn't at that point in time.

if you are interested in our take on similar questions, do take a look at the answers to:
- Do I have to use the "Cabeceo" at Tango Garden?
- I'm a follower, can I ask leaders to dance at Tango Garden?

All the best.

Reply
Christopher
3/9/2014 09:55:23 pm

Thanks - that's very helpful :o) I enjoyed the premise of your article and was interested how you would apply the principle to those conditions.




Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Maral & Mariano's Educational Tango Blog

    Thoughts, videos, useful notes educational material and food for thought for friends, students and fans

    Archives

    October 2015
    September 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    October 2013
    April 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    September 2012

    Categories

    All
    Art And Tango
    Cabeceo
    Classical
    Dance
    D'arienzo
    Gustavo Naveira
    Maral & Mariano Class Example
    Music
    Offer
    Sexteto Milonguero
    Tango
    Tango Garden
    Tango Nuevo



​
LONDON TANGO GARDEN   |  WEDDING FIRST DANCE  |     PRIVATE LESSONS   | JOIN MAILING LIST  |  FAQs
M&M IN THE MEDIA  |   LONDON SPECIAL OFFER PRIVATE LESSONS   |  
TESTIMONIALS   |   OUR PHILOSOPHY   |   QUALITY PROMISE   |   TANGO LEVEL GUIDE   |   EDUCATIONAL  BLOG   |    REVIEW US  
PRIVACY POLICY


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.